GETTING MARRIED
If you are interested in holding your wedding in one of the Upper Itchen Benefice churches, please call our Wedding Administrator in the first instance:
Alex Pease: Tel: 01962 793063 or
email: alex@manorfarmkilmeston.com”.
Why get married in church?
A marriage service, wherever it is held, is a public declaration of love and commitment to your partner. It is a legal agreement between a man and a woman for life, a partnership between equals which involves sharing everything. If you choose to get married in church, there is an added dimension - the asurance that God cares about your relationship and that his resources and strength are available to help you. Including God in your marriage doesn't mean that you will avoid all the usual ups and downs, but you will know that you can look to God for help and guidance and that his love will sustain you. You will also have the support and encouragement of the Christian Church family.
What is a Christian Marriage?
Christian marriage is a binding agreement with each other (a covenant) like the relationship between God and his people in the Bible. Marriage is given to us by God, and is a sign of his love at the centre of creation. In the Biblical story, Adam and Eve are made like God and find companionship with each other. Jesus was present at a village wedding in Cana of Galilee when he turned water into wine as a sign of the richness of life that he offers to those who believe in him. Marriage is given as the foundation of family life, and in it Christians can pass on their faith to their children. Christian marriage offers a way of life and an insight that can nurture and strengthen our relationships, foster our relationship with God, and bring us at our death to heaven with him. Details about marriage in the Church of England can be found at www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/weddings.
Can we be married in one of the churches of the Upper Itchen Benefice?
Usually we can only marry those who live within our benefice or are members of a congregation within it; that’s the law. You can be married in any of our six beautiful parish churches provided: • Your intention is for lifelong commitment to one another; • Neither has been married before; • One or other of you lives within the benefice boundaries or worships regularly in one of our churches By an order of the Bishop of Winchester, if you qualify to marry in one of the churches, you may be married in any of the others. If neither of you lives in the benefice, you may go on the electoral roll of that parish, when you have attended services at the church for six months. In certain circumstances you can apply for a Special Licence. For further information www.facultyoffice.org.uk. If you have been married before, you do not have an absolute right, but there are circumstances when we would consider it.
Legal requirements before a marriage can take place
You must be at least 16 years old. If you are under the age of 18, you must have your parent’s consent. Normally, you must have your banns read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. This is often done over three consecutive Sundays but does not have to be. Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. We hope you will be present to hear your banns called. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as at the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish, in which case you will need to provide the rector with a banns certificate. There are circumstances where a common licence is more appropriate, but this is not possible where one or more of the parties has been married before. If either of you is not a UK national then you should seek the advice of your Embassy, Consulate or High Commission. Sometimes you may need to be married by common licence rather than after banns. If you do not have a residence qualification you will need to become a regular worshipper and join the electoral roll, or you may apply for a special licence. Wedding Insurance: You may like to take out with a well known church insurance company at www.ecclesiastical.com/wedding .
How do we book one of the churches?
Please contact our Wedding Administrator (and Ordinand), Alex Pease, in the first instance.. Most weddings are on Saturdays, and must take place during the day (8.00 am - 6.00 pm) and we do not usually allow weddings in Lent (the six weeks before Easter Day). The rector will arrange to see you in ordere to make the preliminary arrangements. You will fill in a form giving the following details: full names, ages, occupations, marital status, addresses, nationalities, etc. Once we have booked a date and arrange banns or licence, we will help you prepare for the big day.
Marriage Preparation
We are very fortunate in this benefice to be able to offer The Marriage Preparation Course locally. Details may be found at www.themarriagecourse.org. While this is not compulsory we do encourage you to join with engaged couples in the area and ensure a really good foundation for your marriage. The next course here will be run from Wednesday 9th January at 8.00pm for 5 consecutive Wednesdays. For details contact Alex and Lucy Pease on 01962 793063.
The Service
We want you to have the service that is right for you, and although there are legal requirements there is a flexibility which can make it special for you. The service lasts about 30-40 minutes, and you will find it at www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/
Making it personal! A Printed Order of Service
If you wish to print your own personalised booklet, a draft must be approved by the rector before it is printed. An order of service should include the words of the hymns and headings from the service. That way your guests will know what is happening and you will save them the effort of using hymn books, but you need to be aware there are copyright laws to be observed. The new wedding service asks for a response from the congregation about their support for the couple in their marriage, and it is good to include these. In addition it is helpful to include the names of any friends and family who are reading.
Example of Order of Service:
Introduction
Bridal March from Lohengrin Richard Wagner
The Welcome
Hymn – printed in full
Preface
The Declarations
The minister says to the congregation
Will you, the families and friends of N and N,
support and uphold them in their marriage
now and in the years to come?
We will.
The Collect and Readings
St John’s Gospel 2.1-11
Sermon
The Marriage
The Vows
The Giving of Rings
The Proclamation
The Blessing of the Marriage
Registration of the Marriage
During this the following hymn is sung/music is played, etc
Hymn – printed in full
Prayers
Hymn – printed in full
The Dismissal
Wedding March Felix Mendelssohn
Readings
There will usually be at least one reading from the Bible, and the online text gives you examples in full. Two favourites are John 2.1-11 (about Jesus at the Cana wedding party) and I Corinthians 13 ( St Paul ’s reflection about) love but there is plenty of choice.
Rehearsal
This is held in the church, usually a day or two before the service, by arrangement with the minister taking the service. It will help you feel more relaxed on the day. These people should be present if possible: bride and groom, best man, whoever is giving away the bride, bridesmaids. All parents are very welcome. You should bring the banns certificate from the other parish if required, the orders of service, and prayers to be included, and unpaid fees!
Music, Flowers & Photographs
Music
You will usually choose music for when the bride enters the church, two or three hymns, music during the signing of the registers and music for when the bride and groom leave the church. The rector will put you in touch with the organist of the church, who will be able to give you advice. Hymns can be looked at and even listened to on www.oremus.org/hymnal/
The Choir
Only St Michael’s Cheriton has a regular choir, but we may be able to help you with singers at any of the churches. You may even know individual soloists or a small singing group to invite, but first we need to establish their good quality.
Bells
There is only a full ring of six bells at Cheriton and Tichborne, and you can book the ringers. The other churches have one or two tolling bells (three at Hinton).
Flowers
The rector will put you in touch with the person who organises flowers in the church of your choice. She may be able to arrange flowers for you, or you may choose a professional (who must liaise with the church), or you may do them yourselves. The cost of flowers is your responsibility and in addition to fees. You may be content with the flowers which are present anyway and cost nothing! We do not have flowers in Lent.
Photographs and Videos
Nominate someone as the official photographer. They need not be a professional, but there must only be one. No other photographs are allowed during the service. Similarly for taking a video - nominate one person. The photographer (and video person if there is one) should talk to the minister before the service about where they may stand and what pictures they may take.
How much does it cost?
The legal fees for a marriage cover the publication of the banns, the marriage service and a certificate of marriage. These fees are fixed centrally and the latest figures (2008) are: £247 There will be an additional fee for banns (£22) and a certificate if either person lives outside the parish (£12). These fees do not cover any extras you may wish to have for the service. These vary from church to church but the following are guidelines: Organist £45.00 Bell-ringers (Cheriton and Tichborne) £80.00 Choir £30.00 Heating (October to May) £50.00 Video Licence £50.00 An invoice will be sent to you by the benefice treasurer well before the wedding and should be paid at least one month before the day. Cheques are payable to Cheriton PCC Benefice Account. We try and keep our fees as low as possible, if you would like to make a donation towards the work of these ancient churches then we warmly welcome that.
Guidelines for remarriage in church
The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life. It also recognizes that, sadly, some marriages do fail and, if this should happen, it seeks to be available for all involved. The Church accepts that, in exceptional circumstances, a divorced person may marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.
In this Benefice the following guidelines apply: the couple are parishioners and/or regular worshipper; any previous marriages are legally terminated, and we will have to see the decree absolute before any marriage is booked; there is penitence for past mistakes and that any residual bitterness, anger or other legacy of the first marriage has been properly faced; the obligations of the previous marriage(s) have been or are being discharged and that proper provision has been made for the care of children and for access to them by the former partner(s); there is an understanding of the nature of Christian marriage as a permanent and exclusive union of two people for life; there is a reasonable ‘distance’ between the ending of the previous marriage and the one now proposed; neither one of the couple has been responsible for the break-up of the previous marriage of the other; the holding of such a service would not be a cause of scandal in the parish.
The full procedure for arranging such a marriage is as follows: the Rector will meet with the couple and enquire into the circumstances of both, make a decision and inform the couple, and if he determines to proceed he will seek the guidance of the bishop, and then confirm the final decision.Service of Prayer and Dedication after a Civil Ceremony
You may marry in a Registry office prior to a service in church. Sometimes this is done earlier the same day, other times it is done a day or two before to help free the day itself. Details may be found at www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/civilmarriage.html